HOW CAN WE CONTROL OUR TONGUES…WITHOUT DUCT TAPE? (Part 2 of 2)
Death and life are in the power of the tongue; and those who love it will eat its fruit.
Proverbs 18:21

FIRST, HERE ARE THREE THINGS WE AS PARENTS CAN DO FOR OURSELVES:


1. Be willing to admit we are not perfect...and neither is anyone else!
No one person has all the answers…always speaks PERFECT wisdom! Yet we tend to put unrealistic expectation on others and sometimes on ourselves. We ALL blow it from time to time.
I don’t believe anyone in this room would intentionally start the day with, “Hmmm who can I be irritable with today? Yesterday I picked Aunt Matilda and it was so much fun”!!
The best gift we can give our children is to let them know, “Mom is not perfect…although if they are old enough, trust me they already know that---possibly have already TOLD you this!!

2. Don’t live in the past!
I have a friend that just can’t seem to get out of the past. She has CHOSEN to keep the emotional wounds open by reliving over and over the hurts that were said and done to her 25+ years ago.
The past is HISTORY and meant to teach us...BUT NEVER MEANT TO BE LIVED IN!
Today is a NEW day. It is our choice to make if we want to continue living/speaking in a manner that was done to us and continue in pain (and thereby inflicting that same pain on someone else) OR start speaking life and hope. You and I already know what it feels like to have devastating words spoken to us, we don’t have to continue for the next generation.
The circumstances that come into our lives are not nearly as important as how we CHOOSE to react to them. This is not a perfect world we live in. Our choices do affect those around us…either for good or for bad.
Let go of what is strangling you. People are human and will make mistakes (I’m not making excuses for their behavior), but we don’t have to be a willing prisoner of their choices!
Hurting people…hurt people.
Forgiveness is the key to that prison cell. I’ve often thought forgiveness is more for OUR release than those we forgive. Will this be easy...NO; will it be hard….YES; will it be worth it….YES! For your emotional/physical well being, and those around you, don’t let your past dictate your behavior toward your children.

3. You can’t do it alone!
No one is an island unto themselves and able to live—they will only exist.
An island that stands alone has no protection. Find someone in whom you admire the qualities they do life. Ask them to come along side of you...to encourage, teach and hold you accountable for your actions and words.
It just may be time to take inventory of those who have influence over you. May be time to clean out the “friend and influence” closet! If we don’t have someone who can challenge us to be and do better, then we will become stagnate.
Eccl 12:11 “The words of the wise are like cattle prods—painful but helpful.”

As mothers, you and I set the tone of our homes. These three things will take time so realizing we live in a “microwave” age (we want it done NOW), here are some things we can do today in our homes: DOESN’T MATTER WHAT AGE OUR CHILDREN ARE…JUST START!
Some of these will be actions that teach the value of a certain word:


• When you feel the urge to speak an unkind word….STOP.
Would you want someone saying that to you? Count to 10 before you speak. THINK about the effect your words will have. Children need to be taught HOW to communicate and HOW to handle conflict and they will learn by observing how we do it. Bullies are not born, they are trained by those who have influence over them. Likewise, gossipers are not born, but learn from those around them.
• Don’t let Hollywood---the TV raise or set the standards for our children.
• When you blow it, admit it, don’t make excuses. Apologize—and mean it! Ask them to forgive you and tell them you will try to not do that again. In doing this, you will be teaching them the value of the word mercy.
• Speak success/acceptance into your children. Allow mistakes. When we don’t own up to our mistakes, or belittle our children for theirs, we teach our children that failure is not an option. Mistakes/failure are breeding grounds for learning and for success. I learn best through my mistakes. Don’t compare your children to each other. In allowing failure, we teach our children the value of the word grace.
• Label your children with love. Call a child something and he/she will believe it AND live it out beyond our expectations—good or bad.
• Set boundaries…and STICK to them. NO NOT EVERYONE IS DOING________!! Just as we fence in our yards to protect our children, boundaries are set in place to protect them. And just as they will try to climb the fence…they will try to climb the boundaries. In saying “No” we teach our children the value of love.
• Know that some battles are just not worth fighting.

• TELL your children how special they are; whether they were planned or an “oops” (and NEVER tell them this!!) you have been given an amazing gift. We ALL need to know how valuable we are. You may never have been told this, so let me remind you…Doesn’t matter how you were conceived—planned or otherwise, what matter is you are here.
In all the billions of people ever born you were uniquely and amazingly created—no one else has the same dna as you—the exact same looks, characteristics!! God lovingly thought long and hard about you. He watched each step of your development in your mothers womb. YOU ARE SPECIAL!! Don’t ever think you are not!! You were placed here, at this moment for a reason.
Likewise, your children are one-of-a-kind! (some of you just may be thinking, “Oh thank God for that!”) Celebrate their uniqueness!
• If you pack lunches for your children, add a love note. OR..if you don’t pack, put notes on their mirror the night before. Text them a note during the day to let them know you are thinking of them.
If you work outside the home, put notes they will see when they get home from school.
Your children are going to be in a world that doesn’t always value and appreciate them—give them encouragement-away-from-home—give them a reason to come home.
• Give your children your TIME. Go to the park, crayon with them, hold them, have a tea party with them, plan a “non-birthday-day” complete with hats and cake/cupcakes and candles. In doing this you put feet to your words that they are special. TODAY IS TOMORROWS PAST…CAN’T RELIVE IT.
• With all the electronic conveniences, don't forget to TALK WITH YOUR CHILDREN!
• Let them help you bake a cake or casserole for someone who is sick, or let your child pick that someone. In doing this you put feet to words like, “compassion and kindness”…
• BREATH. Our responses will make/break our homes. Hug someone before you speak. Tell them you love them before any discipline has to be done. AND SPEAK DON’T YELL!!

Words. They don’t cost us a penny, but could bring rewards that are immeasurable…they can change the course of future generations.

Take control of what I say, O Lord, and guard my lips. Don’t let me drift toward evil or take part in acts of wickedness. Don’t let me share in the delicacies of those who do wrong. Psalms 141:3-4

Let us be women that raise up a new generation with words of hope, encouragement and life to those we have influence over.