HOW CAN WE CONTROL OUR TONGUES…WITHOUT DUCT TAPE? (Part 2 of 2)
Death and life are in the power of the tongue; and those who love it will eat its fruit.
Proverbs 18:21

FIRST, HERE ARE THREE THINGS WE AS PARENTS CAN DO FOR OURSELVES:


1. Be willing to admit we are not perfect...and neither is anyone else!
No one person has all the answers…always speaks PERFECT wisdom! Yet we tend to put unrealistic expectation on others and sometimes on ourselves. We ALL blow it from time to time.
I don’t believe anyone in this room would intentionally start the day with, “Hmmm who can I be irritable with today? Yesterday I picked Aunt Matilda and it was so much fun”!!
The best gift we can give our children is to let them know, “Mom is not perfect…although if they are old enough, trust me they already know that---possibly have already TOLD you this!!

2. Don’t live in the past!
I have a friend that just can’t seem to get out of the past. She has CHOSEN to keep the emotional wounds open by reliving over and over the hurts that were said and done to her 25+ years ago.
The past is HISTORY and meant to teach us...BUT NEVER MEANT TO BE LIVED IN!
Today is a NEW day. It is our choice to make if we want to continue living/speaking in a manner that was done to us and continue in pain (and thereby inflicting that same pain on someone else) OR start speaking life and hope. You and I already know what it feels like to have devastating words spoken to us, we don’t have to continue for the next generation.
The circumstances that come into our lives are not nearly as important as how we CHOOSE to react to them. This is not a perfect world we live in. Our choices do affect those around us…either for good or for bad.
Let go of what is strangling you. People are human and will make mistakes (I’m not making excuses for their behavior), but we don’t have to be a willing prisoner of their choices!
Hurting people…hurt people.
Forgiveness is the key to that prison cell. I’ve often thought forgiveness is more for OUR release than those we forgive. Will this be easy...NO; will it be hard….YES; will it be worth it….YES! For your emotional/physical well being, and those around you, don’t let your past dictate your behavior toward your children.

3. You can’t do it alone!
No one is an island unto themselves and able to live—they will only exist.
An island that stands alone has no protection. Find someone in whom you admire the qualities they do life. Ask them to come along side of you...to encourage, teach and hold you accountable for your actions and words.
It just may be time to take inventory of those who have influence over you. May be time to clean out the “friend and influence” closet! If we don’t have someone who can challenge us to be and do better, then we will become stagnate.
Eccl 12:11 “The words of the wise are like cattle prods—painful but helpful.”

As mothers, you and I set the tone of our homes. These three things will take time so realizing we live in a “microwave” age (we want it done NOW), here are some things we can do today in our homes: DOESN’T MATTER WHAT AGE OUR CHILDREN ARE…JUST START!
Some of these will be actions that teach the value of a certain word:


• When you feel the urge to speak an unkind word….STOP.
Would you want someone saying that to you? Count to 10 before you speak. THINK about the effect your words will have. Children need to be taught HOW to communicate and HOW to handle conflict and they will learn by observing how we do it. Bullies are not born, they are trained by those who have influence over them. Likewise, gossipers are not born, but learn from those around them.
• Don’t let Hollywood---the TV raise or set the standards for our children.
• When you blow it, admit it, don’t make excuses. Apologize—and mean it! Ask them to forgive you and tell them you will try to not do that again. In doing this, you will be teaching them the value of the word mercy.
• Speak success/acceptance into your children. Allow mistakes. When we don’t own up to our mistakes, or belittle our children for theirs, we teach our children that failure is not an option. Mistakes/failure are breeding grounds for learning and for success. I learn best through my mistakes. Don’t compare your children to each other. In allowing failure, we teach our children the value of the word grace.
• Label your children with love. Call a child something and he/she will believe it AND live it out beyond our expectations—good or bad.
• Set boundaries…and STICK to them. NO NOT EVERYONE IS DOING________!! Just as we fence in our yards to protect our children, boundaries are set in place to protect them. And just as they will try to climb the fence…they will try to climb the boundaries. In saying “No” we teach our children the value of love.
• Know that some battles are just not worth fighting.

• TELL your children how special they are; whether they were planned or an “oops” (and NEVER tell them this!!) you have been given an amazing gift. We ALL need to know how valuable we are. You may never have been told this, so let me remind you…Doesn’t matter how you were conceived—planned or otherwise, what matter is you are here.
In all the billions of people ever born you were uniquely and amazingly created—no one else has the same dna as you—the exact same looks, characteristics!! God lovingly thought long and hard about you. He watched each step of your development in your mothers womb. YOU ARE SPECIAL!! Don’t ever think you are not!! You were placed here, at this moment for a reason.
Likewise, your children are one-of-a-kind! (some of you just may be thinking, “Oh thank God for that!”) Celebrate their uniqueness!
• If you pack lunches for your children, add a love note. OR..if you don’t pack, put notes on their mirror the night before. Text them a note during the day to let them know you are thinking of them.
If you work outside the home, put notes they will see when they get home from school.
Your children are going to be in a world that doesn’t always value and appreciate them—give them encouragement-away-from-home—give them a reason to come home.
• Give your children your TIME. Go to the park, crayon with them, hold them, have a tea party with them, plan a “non-birthday-day” complete with hats and cake/cupcakes and candles. In doing this you put feet to your words that they are special. TODAY IS TOMORROWS PAST…CAN’T RELIVE IT.
• With all the electronic conveniences, don't forget to TALK WITH YOUR CHILDREN!
• Let them help you bake a cake or casserole for someone who is sick, or let your child pick that someone. In doing this you put feet to words like, “compassion and kindness”…
• BREATH. Our responses will make/break our homes. Hug someone before you speak. Tell them you love them before any discipline has to be done. AND SPEAK DON’T YELL!!

Words. They don’t cost us a penny, but could bring rewards that are immeasurable…they can change the course of future generations.

Take control of what I say, O Lord, and guard my lips. Don’t let me drift toward evil or take part in acts of wickedness. Don’t let me share in the delicacies of those who do wrong. Psalms 141:3-4

Let us be women that raise up a new generation with words of hope, encouragement and life to those we have influence over.

HOW CAN WE CONTROL OUR TONGUES…WITHOUT DUCT TAPE? (Part 1 of 2)

Death and life are in the power of the tongue; and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Proverbs 18:21

 

I love getting cards whether they are birthday cards or "no occasion cards". They are just
words…written words. But the joy, laughter, thoughtfulness, and sometimes tears they bring are precious.

Words…how would we communicate without them? Whether the form is verbal, written, Braille, sign language, the point of reference is always a WORD and the meaning and/or expression that word brings to our minds and emotions.

 

I grew up with a clear understanding of the power of words….although at the time I didn't fully understand how the impact of those words would shape my life.

 

We lived in what was considered the "other side of the tracks"…had an outhouse until I was in 7^th grade; my dad never graduated from High School and always had 2 jobs to provide for a family of 5 children.

We grew up not having a lot although as kids we didn't know that…UNTIL I started school.

I remember one girl in particular that made fun of my clothes---isn't it interesting how we usually always remember the negative?

By the time I entered High School, I was so shy that if a teacher called on me I had to fight back tears…would rather have crawled in a hole than answer a question---even if I knew the answer. I was so afraid of making a mistake and being laughed at.

 

Around my senior year, I was befriended by a girl that through her acceptance and fun spirit, taught me the value of being ALLOWED to make a mistake—and be able to laugh about it! This was huge!

I realized the ability to be able to accept that I wasn't perfect, NOR EXPECTED TO BE, would also allow me to then view, accept and realize others were not perfect either.

This didn't happen overnight, but it was a step in releasing the power of certain words others had spoken to me.

 

WORDS. They have the power to make or break someone; have the power to create or destroy a person's character.

 

Adolf Hitler spoke words that divided a world…words that terrorized and nearly obliterated a people.

Abraham Lincoln spoke words that brought hope to a people and ultimately prevented a territorially divided nation.

 

Advertisers use words and phrases that appeal to our "need" syndrome.

    

We all grew up with sayings like:

"Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you!"

"If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all."

• Well, if sticks and stones hurt but words don't then why does it feel like a bolder has just run over us when certain words or phrases are spoken to us?
  
• And why don't we keep our mouths shut if what we are about to say isn't nice…and if we are honest with ourselves, why does it "feel" good to go ahead and say something (at times knowing or not knowing) how it will hurt the person we are speaking to?
  

 

I would venture to say every one of us has been on the receiving end of hurtful—crushing words at least once in our lives. And unfortunately may have at one point been the one hurling hateful words—possibly out of revenge or our own hurt.

 

The spoken word is POWERFUL. Of all the created beings as humans, we were given the privilege and wonderful gift of WORDS no matter the form.

The words we speak should bring hope, encouragement, safety; healing of broken hearts, helping to release unhealthy holds in our lives.

When encouraging words are spoken to a sick person, their spirits are lifted as if given a dose of medicine.

 

As wives, mothers, sisters, aunts, we have the amazing opportunity:

to speak hope and future into our children…

to speak and bring or begin healing in our families…

to bring or initiate change to environments in our neighbors or coworkers…

to bring about change in our marriages…and not through nagging. (my husband once told me that guilt does not motivate him to do anything…better believe I let go of that avenue!!)

 

Listen to what the book of James in the Bible tells us:

3:3-10 A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse. A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it!

 ^5-6It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it.

 This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can't tame a tongue—it's never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer.

 

TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR SOME SUGGESTIONS………..